What was Wrong with the Math that got us to the Moon?
...and how I was defeated by my kindergartner's homework
My daughter is four months into kindergarten, and I was acutely aware that much about the schooling system in which I grew up has changed. Covid has ushered in the virtual school day and basically killed the idea of “snow days.” Computers and technology are more heavily used in younger years…and then, there is math. Math - that I was never good at to begin with - has changed so extensively. I was sure that she would outpace my knowledge by third grade…
I was wrong.
My daughter brings home “challenge sheets” each month that are meant to foster an early understanding of homework. I hate the idea of homework but understand it is part of schooling, and these are simple challenges like “go on a scavenger hunt” or “disguise a turkey.” They are mostly fun prompts designed to engage parent involvement at home. This month's challenges were very much the same, but there were a few that involved counting and intro math skills. For one, in particular, I could not even figure out what it wanted me to do!
So, it appears, my daughter's math homework has outpaced me four months into kindergarten. We had to wait until Daddy got home to ask him. It was a shameful day for me. I probably just should have Googled “number story,” and I would have figured out it wanted me to come up with a “word problem.” But in the heat of the moment of trying to figure out how I was going to create a number story with my kindergartener when there were no context clues or examples on this piece of paper of what a number story was, I crumpled.
Upon the arrival of Daddy, we do the dance of unpacking the day. We each ask how the others went. Maybe we actually listen or understand what the other is saying or maybe we don’t; but it is an important dance nonetheless…because, maybe, there is a humiliating math problem to be solved. My husband quickly read over the sheet and promptly gave our daughter a simple word problem to figure out involving puppies. I stood defeated.
We all have our kryptonite. Mine is math, and apparently all math now. Numbers make me feel inferior, and since it wasn’t until mid way through college that I found out I was dyslexic, and that numbers factor into that, the road to self love about my understanding of numbers has been long.
But it has occurred to me recently that the road I am on stops at my daughter. I do not in any way believe I am smart with numbers. But I “gotta fake it til I make it.” My inner monologue needs to stay inside and change…now. My daughter will look to me about how to speak to herself, about how to love herself; and that expands far beyond the reflection in the mirror. I have to reframe how I speak about myself in every part of life… including numbers. She needs to know that while she (and I) all have our strengths (Emotional Quotient) and weaknesses (all things math), a weakness does not equate to failure. (Look at me already using mathematics lingo!)
Do I feel like a failure at math? Yes, most of the time. But I have also planted that seed of loathing, and watered it every day with doubt. So, of course I am not going to expect too much of myself and will ask my husband when he gets home to help. But while it was, of course, just fine to ask for help and to admit I don’t know something, I also didn’t actively say out loud, “I’ve learned something new today!” or “I am always open to learning and now I know something I didn’t!”
Positive self-talk expands far beyond the mirror in front of me… because I am the mirror in front of my daughter that she will use inside of herself.
But seriously…we got to the moon with that old math.
