I watched a documentary about the teenage brain, and that whole thing about the brain not being fully developed until 25 made a whole lot of sense. I was not a huge risk taker, but boy did I make some dumb decisions. Now I can blame it on my undeveloped brain, and not lock them in as character flaws!
It has been a year of writing this blog, and I have meticulously tip-toed over a very specific time in my life with a very specific person. It has just been in the past few months that I have even wanted to give voice to that time. But I think it is important not only for me to write, but also for others to hear.
While an undeveloped teenage brain is a dangerous tool to unleash on the world, if one pairs that with a heart that has never been broken, it is truly the stuff of Taylor Swift songs. I am a firm believer that not only can teenage love be real, but many adults do not give space for that reality. That just because it is a “young love” somehow negates those feelings, has never sat right with me. No one is too young to feel love, and fall into it. There are so many forms of it - romantic, friendship, familial - that I am confident a young person can truly know and feel a romantic love for another person. Whether or not each individual involved is willing to make a true commitment to that love can be called into question, but not the feeling itself.
In high school and early college, I dated an emotionally scared, narcissistic mental abuser. Did my parents express over and over that this was a bad relationship? Yes. Did they ever negate my feelings for him? No. Am I still certain I was in love? Yes. Was it good? No.
I am also certain that I would have continued that relationship even if my parents would have negated my feelings for him. The only difference is, I would have felt so isolated that I might have stayed and never found the strength to leave… for good. My parents always supported me, I knew I could fall, and they would not criticize, only love. I was not alone. (Though, my father and brother in conversation never called him by name, just “spatula.'' I'm still not really sure where this nickname came from, but being a kitchen TOOL probably played into this.)
I made it out of that relationship for two reasons: the emotional distance of college and my feelings were never called into question.
My own daughter does not like any movie that depicts “romance”… She finds it scary. At six, she is the smartest one in the room.